Journey of Epic Proportions Part Trois-Montana is f-ing huge but not as lame as Iowa!

Sorry for the slow updates. My new job has kept me busy. A shout out to all my peeps in the Imperial Land of Peninsulas-Eastside and Westside!

Thursday, July 3, early in the morning a charley horse made an appearance in my right calf and said hello. It hurt like a mo fo and my screams of pain woke my sister. That was exciting. Even more exciting was the scrumptious breakfast bar at the Trails End Motel which filled my belly and did not put me into gastrointestinal distress. The Trails End was kind of funky because it looked like a dump but the rooms featured pillow top mattresses. I guess they were under new ownership.

Mooniqua and I left Sheridan, WY with memories of horrid service at Pizza Hut and my Charlie Horse and pointed the Behemoth and the Grand Prix north towards Billings, Montana where I was to see one of my law school buds for the first time in 5 years. I was going to see Brandon "Hoss" Hartford again.

We made it to Billings about lunch time and were met my Hoss's wife Tina. We parked the vehicles, dropped the 2 fuzz balls off at the Hartford residence so their feline brains would not fry in the 100 degree heat and made a beeline for Hartford Law Offices, where my former law school associate, with whom I raised a fair amount of hell with, is raking in the dough as a private practice attorney. I saw Hoss for about an hour then Moo and I went out to lunch with his wife and Hoss's fertilized seed, who are adorable little tykes by the way. My sister was blessed to hear tales of what her brother did in law school and what his nickname was. It was good to see Hoss again. He was one of those friends that I have not seen in years but could immediately start bullshitting with with zero awkwardness. If Montana had reciprocity I could see myself teaming up with the esteemed barrister.

After lunch at Fuddruckers (incredible burgers!) Moo and I got back on I-90 and headed towards Missoula. In a car we would have made excellent time but the Behemoth plodded along, especially through the mountain passes. There were 2 of those and the first one outside of Bozeman was not too bad but the one outside of Butte was a monster. The Behemoth barely made it up and I could hear strange sounds coming from the transmission and strange smells filling my nose. Then going down I think I stripped the brake pads down to the metal with some sparks thrown in. I could hear my earthly possession bouncing around the back.

Montana has spectacular scenery and it was the first time Moo had the privilege to bear witness to it. I could see her head scanning the sides of the road like a rooster looking for food. Was kind of funny. Not funny was the fact that it was 100 degrees out and 20 degrees warmer in the cab of the behemoth. I felt like the toddler of a welfare mom locked in the backseat of a Kia in sweltering weather while momma went to get her nails done.

Eventually we made it to Missoula, which is a pretty kick ass town. We got a room, I took a shower to wash away the truck. I felt like I was back working for Galaxy Precision again. Ate an incredible dinner at Montana House and Moo was initiated into the ways of Montana with a pint of Moose Drool. She went to bed and I spied out of the corner of my eye a friendly tavern whose beer taps were in dire need of rescuing. So I bravely crossed Reserve St and entered the establishment, where half the staff was staggering drunk in response to a going away party. I quickly scanned the fine selection of libations and hark what did my orbs see? Why yes the familiar shape of a Kokanee tap. I had to enjoy 6 or 7 of those fine libations and I did while playing NTN trivia against one of the bar maids. Tomorrow was the day I broke the border into Washington. It would be a fine day indeed.

El Feaze Shabazz